This Is Me on the Inside

depression 1

“I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia, and severe depression. I am not ashamed of it, but the social stigma associated with these conditions is so sad. My symptoms are horrible & I wouldn’t wish them upon anyone. It hurts my feelings and, to be honest, makes me a bit mad, when people don’t believe me because I am usually laughing, smiling & appear to be a very happy person. At times I do struggle. I know I can be difficult to live with or to be around when I get this way. I try my best to control my emotions, hide my anxiety or overwhelming thoughts, and most of the time I succeed. I manage to get control of things, but at times I break. So if you see me and I am quiet and not my usual outgoing self, it doesn’t mean that I’m upset with you or that I want you to “fix” anything. At times I just need/want to be by myself and don’t want to be made to feel guilty because I don’t feel like talking to anyone about the situation.”

My friend, Michelle posted this message on Facebook before she took her life last November. Wow, Michelle, my buddy since high school committed suicide. A strong weight crushed my heart after I heard the news. Michelle, you were the life of the party and a hardworking registered nurse. You were popular in high school and in our hometown. You were in my wedding! And…you even left a beautiful daughter behind who loves the Lord! But inside, I didn’t know Michelle was hurting to the point of leaving this earth on her own terms. I will always remember Michelle.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. Everyone knows someone who knows someone that committed suicide. I am still lost for words and it still stings. Suicide is extremely serious and tragic in God’s eyes. Michelle and I talked about our life goals with many laughs. She was surrounded by people who cared for her and encouraged her, but that was not enough. A lot of people are going through it – neighbors, co-workers, family members. It’s tough out there! Through the greatest despair, pain and loneliness, there is still hope! That is eternal hope through a relationship with Christ. I don’t want to share my thoughts on people who commit suicide will go to heaven or hell. But me on the inside, I will continue to put my faith in HIM because He loves me and He will see me through it all. You, me, your neighbor, your co-worker are never alone if you know Him. In Romans 8:39 it says, “Nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Life can present despairing moments. Let us find hope in Jesus. God longs to give us a rich and satisfying life.
Encourage someone today!

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or suicidal crisis,
call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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