This Valentine’s Day I’m sure there are many unmarried couples and even singles wondering about their love life, and where their current relationship or “situation-ship” will lead. After hearing my share of relationship woes from friends and acquaintances. And experiencing some personal relationships that seemed to be going somewhere but never quite got off the ground I often wonder: Is it possible to miss out on God’s will for your life, particularly as it pertains to the person you are to marry? There are many theories about whether or not there is one person specifically designed for each individual and how one is to go about either looking for that person or positioning themselves to be found by “the one.” Some believe finding the person you will spend the rest of your life with is only a matter of deciding if you are compatible with, attracted to, and have a desire to commit to the person, and that person reciprocates those desires and willingness to commit. Consulting God or even other individuals seems unnecessary as long as there is “chemistry.” While others believe there is only one true love.
Throughout my lifetime I found myself swinging between these viewpoints mainly because the person I thought was “the one” ended up marrying someone else. The added complexity to the situation was my conviction that this man was my husband was based on what I believed to be God’s will concerning our relationship. Needless to say, when he married someone else, I questioned God. Why would God tell me who my husband was if God knew he would marry someone else? I was truly confused. It was at this point when I began to seriously consider that maybe God has not chosen just one specific person for an individual. Is it possible that a person can be compatible with several different people, and it really does come down to a matter of one’s personal commitment not cupid’s arrow or God’s will?
Overtime I started reconsider the “soul mate” concept and realized if there were such a thing and we fail to see that person for who they are or fail to commit to that person because of unhealed wounds, fear, timing or outwardly they do not seem to fit our expectations, is it possible we could be living outside God’s perfect will for our lives? If so, what does that mean for other areas of our life? Is it a domino effect? I can imagine many married and divorced couples can attest to the fact that who they married greatly impacted the trajectory of their life. If this is so how we go about choosing our mate is critical. I believe it can influence our ability to grow and flourish as a person and live in our purpose.
So for those who are navigating this 21st century dating matrix what would you say has become your criteria or standard in determining who you date and who you will eventually marry? Who are you allowing to shape your decision: God or cupid?