If I were to ask you to
name all the types of abuse you can think of, odds are your list would be
fairly long. Verbal, physical, sexual,
mental, child, elder, financial, etc.
Essentially, any aspect of life in which you work in conjunction with
another person, has potential for abuse.
The topic of abuse is so broad, were I to try and address every form of
it, this blog would turn into a treatise and I daresay, anyone who has looked
forward to reading my writings would no longer seek them. For now, I would like you to consider the
topic of spiritual abuse. Was this type
of abuse on your list?
In The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, David Johnson and
Jeff Van Vonderen define spiritual abuse as, “The
mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support, or greater spiritual
empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining, or decreasing that
person’s spiritual empowerment” (p.20). This
“spiritual empowerment” has less to do with advancement in an organizational
structure and more to do with greater personal understanding and deepening of
Ways this type of abuse can be
administered is through control due to a spiritual position or through communities
coercing a spiritual standard based in behavior or a way of thinking as a way
to stay in the good graces of the broader group. This is to say what is used as a standard to
spiritually abuse one in a Baptist denomination may look drastically different
from what is used in a Pentecostal tradition.
Though the specifics may change, the tactics cross denomination and whether
done intentionally or not, abuse is always about power and control.
Diane Langberg in Counseling
Survivors of Sexual Abuse says personhood is comprised of three components:
voice, relationship, and power. It is the essence of personhood and the effects
of abuse which struck my attention. God
created us in his image and to be made in the Imago Dei means; we have a voice,
as God used his to create the world, we are in relationship, as God is a triune
God in relationship with all his persons and is also in relationship with us,
and we are powerful as God is certainly powerful, though we are in a much more
limited though significant capacity.
Used rightly our voice is a
tool which allows us to know others and be known, our relationship is in peace
with one another, and our power is used to influence others toward good things
within our relationships (Langberg, D, pp. 45-51) When used incorrectly as in a way to assert
ourselves above another, we diminish the voice of another, break the
relationship, and leave the other powerless in the wake of whatever situation has
The effects of abuse are
certainly present in the spiritual communities we find ourselves in when those
in power use their position to squelch an opposing view or question the spiritual
health of someone with which they disagree. Or when a friend refuses to acknowledge a
wrongdoing against you and insists God will use it for his glory and all is
ultimately well, thereby breaking the trusted relationship. Or when a woman comes to church leadership to
ask for help in honoring her marriage commitment, but is fearful for her safety
due to escalating physical abuse, and is told to go home and submit to the
authority under which she finds herself.
In the case of the last example
taken directly from from Johnson and Van Vonderen, a woman went to her church
leadership afraid for her life and was told, “Stay with him, and if he kills
you, God will use that to draw him to Himself.”
Church, such a dismissive
attitude and diminishing of the value of this woman’s life does not reflect the
heart of God. If anything it reflects
the laziness at which the church addresses the complicated matters of
Think of your spiritual communities, are you free to ask questions in church? If you disagree with leadership, are you accused of sowing seeds of discord? Are women in domestic abuse situations told to be submissive to the point of death? Are the abusers tolerated or excused as a way to “honor” marriage? Is the desire to be Christlike used as a coercive manipulation? Does your church involve law enforcement when laws are broken? Do children who are abused by members within the church see the church do justly while loving mercy and ministering to the victim and abuser alike?
The church has a habit of spiritualizing
its laziness in order to protect their comfort.
Peace is more than the absence of conflict; it is the presence of rest
and safety. Do we want to follow Christ
into the darkness to rescue those held within it, or do we stand at the edge of
the light and call blindly into darkness as though we know how to guide from a
Going back to the definition we were given of spiritual abuse, “The mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support, or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining, or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment” (p.20), because we take our faith with us and experience life in many different arenas, I cannot help but think that among all the other types of abuse, there is an aspect of spiritual abuse that is present. Truly, in all abuse is a need for help, support, and spiritual empowerment.
When hurting people come to God’s followers for help, do we hand them a stone in the place of bread (Matthew 7:9), or avoidantly send them into chaos with empty platitudes superficially speaking peace over them (Jer. 6:14)? When we remove ourselves from suffering, we dishonor the name of Christ and we are following our comfort rather than following him.
We need to be the followers of the One who became Emmanuel and be with them. They need to know they are seen as Hagar was seen in the desert. When they use their voice we must listen, when they need help, we must relate to them, and when they are broken we must help them regain their power by pointing them to the source. Anything less is spiritually devoid of wholeness and adds a deep injury to an already broken spirit.
No decries. No decrees. No desires granted. No dreams fulfilled.
We need to repent because Christ died, while we were sinners. He took our punishment, our death, our sins. He took that on Him. God put our sin on His Son so that we may know Him, “the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent” (John 17:3).
And now, we must repent, have a change in our mind, if you will, and put on Christ. We must put on Christ not because He is going to fix our relationships, take care of our depression, stand for black lives, give us a great business idea, make it alright between our co-workers and managers, heal that hip or shoulder that has nagged us for years, or have someone pay for our groceries in a time when we really need that $72.88 for something else.
We need to repent and put on Christ, have the mind of Christ so that we may know Him, ” the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent,” as it is written in John 17.
For far too long, we have lived off that magic prayer at some youth meeting or holiday service and believed that if we do good here and there, we were saved.
Like the lepers, we were slowly dying without ever knowing it and thought that our separation was because only God understood us but in truth, God separated us so that we would never infect others of our unrepentant sins. “You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).
It is time to put first things first. Make the main things the plain things and the plain things the main things. We need to learn of God’s ways and follow Christ. Put away our dreams, our visions, our plans, our clocks, our calendars, our life coach’s strategies and “…seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things [food, water, clothes, i.e. the basics to live] will be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).